Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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