Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
