new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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