I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
