A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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