whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
