I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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