My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
