His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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