I'm really into asian looking animals
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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