Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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