the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
