I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
