The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
