Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
