her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
