Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
