the condom got lost in my hair
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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