roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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