The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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