I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
