If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
