I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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