u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
