I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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