I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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