So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
