would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We left the knife in your bed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
