That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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