i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
