Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
