like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
