i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Rumble strips road head = magical
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
