I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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