the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
