kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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