Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
