I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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