Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
