My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
