You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
