well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
