I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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