So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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