If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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