And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
