dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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