Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
