I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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