Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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