bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
